Cooling down time

Salaam,

So lately, things have actually gone completely silent on the rishta search - I've pursued the last couple of remote possibilities, which turned out to be dead ends. I now don't mind when people tell me they're not interested based on my job - that they're looking for a 'professional', or my looks. There's nothing wrong with them for wanting what they have in mind, and there's nothing wrong with me for the way I look or what my job is - I'm grateful for the looks Allah gave me and that I can get satisfaction from my job knowing I've helped people and that it's something I can learn from and reflect on alhumdulillah. I do wish people wouldn't string me along though - it wastes time and gets me down.

There are no prospects for the foreseeable future. I have just about come round to the idea that I'll consider people from back home as prospectives. It was never something I wanted, but it seems that the things I'm looking for: deen - someone who takes it seriously and wants to progress; responsibility - someone who wants to do things for themself and isn't tied to the apron strings; and depth - someone who can have a conversation that goes beyond cars and celebrities exist in some men in the UK - but those men, having developed such qualities, are looking for a smokin' hot yet demure Aishwarya Rai/ Angelina Jolie lookalike with the same qualities, but maybe less so - men are supposed to be the leaders of the family after all. Oh, and she should also be an elegant social butterfly who seamlessly fits in with his family, and a dab hand in the kitchen, plus some other things.

All of this leads me to conclude that it's just not meant to be right now. Sometimes, chilling out about something makes it easier for it to happen, or it might not even happen, so I need to seriously make some more goals for the future that don't include a partner. I'm not going to stop the search inshaAllah - if anything, it will give me some stories to tell my cats (what with my back-up plan of being an eccentric but kindly cat lady)

I feel quite loser-ish lately, turning up to family/desi events with my parents when every other girl my age and younger is with their other half. People are also slightly wary of me, being single at my age - it's like 'My God - what if her spinsterhood is contagious?! Better avoid her, giver her strange looks and not let our children near her'. Yeah.

It's funny, people (including myself) can tell me the same type of thing multiple times and at some point, it just sinks in. I know I definitely go through phases with the whole rishta thing:

Angry, ranty phase: agggh guys are so annoying! This whole situation is ridiculous - RIDICULOUS! Why do I even care??! Oh look - a message from a guy on one of the matchmaking sites *reads it* --> what a stupid message *frowns and stamps foot*. What a bunch of irrevocably HOPELESS  and SHALLOW nincompoops some men are!

Delusional phase: Heyyy, I'm not actually past prime marriage age, I'll find the perfect man for me and we'll click, then get married. It's aaaall going to be fabulous! And there'll be lollipops and cute bouncy kittens and happy happy happy times aaaaall the time

Distraction: Ah! Work is busy, but I'll take up a couple more projects! And I'll cook a complicated dinner that takes 2 hours to make and 1 and a half hours to clean up after. And hey - why do I only have one book to read on my bedside table - I'll start 3 other different ones. Better get busy busy busy!

or sometimes I rapidly  cycle between these, making me look insane. I don't want to become one of those weird, bitter, highly strung spinsters - I can feel it happening but I'm definitely going to try and fight it.

The point is that everything in this life is temporary - whether it is to do with feelings or circumstances, so sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe, chill out ad appreciate where I am, what I have and how far I've come :)

I am really grateful to have things that I can concentrate on - one of them being my Islamic studies. One of the things that helped me out a lot recently was this:

"Don't let the keeping back of something you are fervently asking for make you despair. He has guaranteed an answer to your prayer in those things He chooses for you, not in those things that you choose for yourself, and at the time He wants, not at the time you want"
(from the hikam of Ibn Ata Illah al Iskandari)

So humbling mashaAllah

A pick-me-up

From Dreamlife's blog

I read this and thought it was awesome mashaAllah!

“Reliance”

They tell you to be patient.
They say your time will come:
what is meant to be will be;

And all that lies between now and then
is a trial of Faith,
a lesson in patience,
a Revelation of your ultimate reliance on the One.

You seek that which, you feel, will complete your heart;
complement your mind;
bring lasting comfort to your soul.

You wish for the bond of love and tranquility,
placed between your hearts;
you yearn for the one who will be a garment to you,
and you fulfilling the same blessed purpose for them.

You dream of a future,
a life no longer alone.
A companion to share with you all the ecstasy and agony you will face within your journey.
Someone who will walk with you,
side by side,
hand in hand,
down the beautiful path that leads back the One to Whom we belong,
the One to Whom is our return.

And though you will face that Day alone,
your bond – and all it manifested itself as – gives you hope
that, together, you were each other’s helping hand.

You enjoined what was good,
and forbade what was evil;
You had a common goal, a beautiful goal;
and the support of each other was your safety net:
you had a home in their arms,
and when they held you,
nothing could harm you -

For you were right where you were destined to be,
wrapped in the love of the one who you held so dear,

and the two of you,
wrapped in the Love of the One Who brought your souls into existence,
then shaped you over time – through pain and joy, preparing you for the pure, everlasting union that was always in existence – though you did not know it until it came to your senses:
manifested itself in front of your eyes.

He alone, you worshipped;
He alone, you asked for help.

And though, at times, you grew frustrated,
wondering when the help would come;
when it would be your turn -
in truth, the Help was always there.

It was just for you to accept -
with your heart and your mind,
beyond the superficial rhetoric -
that everything has its appointed time.

So on that Day,
as you stand before Him,
you do so in the knowledge that your lives,
your souls,
though beginning separated;
were brought together at the appointed time.

And all that came before was not a waste -
on the contrary,
it was a treasure chest:
a collection of thoughts, feelings, experiences;
all part of your preparation.

Yet you did not see it that way,
in your haste to attain that which you so cherished.

But the past has passed,
and all is put into perspective now.

And though we cannot conceive what awaits us in the Hereafter
- for Paradise begins where the imagination ends -
we know who we wish to share it with.

So, look past the immediacy of these moments without them;
and remember what awaits you in your future.

Take lessons from the past.
Be thankful for the present.
Be hopeful for the future.

Seek help in patience and prayer;
ask of Him Who is of infinite bounty.

Tell Him all that you fear,
all that you dream of,
all that you want;

Open up to Him and pour out every ounce of the hurt you feel.
Let it all go.

For when you have done so,
when your troubles have been released,
you will be brought back to the truth and comfort of your ultimate reliance on the One:
your Eternal Companion; closer than you can imagine.

Keep the faith, always.

A slight rant

Salaam everyone!

Since there's not been much action on the other blogs I read, I decided to be proactive and post something.

***Update***
The guy that I'd written off because he didn't email for ages actually ended up replying (mid October-ish), saying that he had lots of questions and that he'd like to meet up (I assumed he meant in a family setting) when he was coming to visit his family in the 3rd or 4th week of November, so he asked if that would be ok, and what my parents thought of that. Fair enough, I thought. So I duly replied, saying that was fine and asking him to update me with the details. So now it's December and I've heard nothing. If he had just not replied in the first place, I would have put him down as not interested, applying the one week rule from the start (if someone doesn't reply to you by one week after you exchange photos or details on what you're like/what you're looking for, they're very unlikely to be interested in you) - ok, rejection is never nice but fair enough. Then I had to wait till mid November to write him off again.

I don't think it's that hard to say 'hey, y'know, my parents want me to get married but I'm not really interested right now' or 'hmm I don't think we're compatible so good luck. Bye.' or 'thanks but no thanks' or WHATEVERRRR in the first place. Lol. Just have some manners and let me know what's going on so I don't have to wait around like a lemon. Neither myself nor my parents think it's right to pursue more than one potential at a time so this really gets my goat as it wastes so much time. Grrr.

On the subjects of rants, why do brown people in the UK say 'sequences' instead of sequins, and 'pacific' instead of specific, and 'eckcetera' instead of 'etcetera'?

Anyway.....

There are currently no other potentials on the horizon for me. There may be another matchmaking lady who will help me out though - I'll see what happens inshaAllah.

I've started feeling really over the hill, though apparently I don't look it lately (in the last few weeks, everyone  who asked me what my age was, thought I was between 18 and 23 - alhumdulillah :).

But I do wonder, when am I too old to:

• wear my hoodie, jeans and trainers combo
• say 'duuuude'
• surreptitiously jump in puddles because I know I'm wearing waterproof footwear
• gallop down stairs etc (don't knock it till you've tried it!)
• eat Freddo bars and milkybars?

As I look back at this post, I realise most of this post consists of first world problems, and a lot of people would feel lucky that these were their only concerns. Great, now I feel guilty. But this was definitely cathartic so all good inshaAllah. Hoping that my next post will have a more positive vibe inshaAllah.

Till then, here's a smiley - old school style  :)