This first part is about preparation and having the right attitude from the outset. Part 2 will be about the actual search and part 3 will be about keeping the search going - I think - inshaAllah (I haven't really decided yet).
Here goes
Know what your ultimate goal is (so don't get obsessed with 'the search'!)
At any given point, be sure you know your sole purpose in life is to worship Allah, and marriage is a means to doing this, not an ultimate goal in itself. It's very easy to become obsessed. FreelyEnslaved (read her blog!) has an excellent post on this. Also, getting obsessive can lead to despair or getting desperate, which are not only unbecoming but can damage your faith in Allah. Remember that we're going to ultimately be judged as individuals - not couples!
Know yourself
You're considering spending your life with someone who hasn't had a lifetime to know all your good and bad qualities, habits, tendencies etc, so will probably ask about them - if you haven't thought about these aspects, this can be confusing. Understand what your weaknesses are and work on them, and know what brings out the best in you, what makes you respect people (this is really important), what you love about your friends (is there anything they all have in common?), what puts you off people etc. Ask your friends and family about what they think your strengths and weaknesses are, your good and bad qualities, what brings out the best and worst in you, and their opinion - if nothing else, it's a self esteem booster, and might help you in other aspects of life e.g career too.
Manage Expectations
Talk to people who are married about what they were looking for, how they got married etc and seek their advice! Not only will you find out things that surprise you but you'll bond with them and most probably have a laugh.. Try to talk to a variety of people e.g those who live with in-laws, those who met at work or were introduced by family, interracial/cultural marriages etc so as to understand some of the issues, and to give you some idea of what would and wouldn't work for you and what married life is really like. You might be surprised!
Know what you want
It's very easy to say 'I'll know when I see it', and that may be true for some people, but it definitely helps to have an idea of what's essential, desirable what you can be flexible on and what's a total no-no for you. Think about what you can't live with, what you can't live without, what you're flexible about, the kind of people who bring out the best and worst in you, the qualities you love in others etc
Be your best
Don't compare yourself to others - everyone's path in life is different. It may be that by staying single, you're avoiding people who are bad for you, or there's something you need to achieve or that you need to work on, or it's just not the right thing for you just yet. If you try to be the best person that you can, in every facet of your life, you will minimise regrets and have lots of goals and hope for the future. For example, n the last few years, I've started to take a lot more care of myself in terms of diet and fitness, and know that I feel and look well alhumdulillah - in the rishta search, this is really important!
Good Company
You're not alone in your singledom! It's good to have a few friends who are in the same situation - you can vent, learn from each other's experience, encourage one another and be each other's shoulder to cry on, or be truly, meaningfully happy for them when they find someone. They can also be a source of information about potential suitors too.
Pressure
People will probably try to make you panic by telling you stories of those who were too picky when they were young, then ended up being scorned loser-y spinsters at 50. Yes, this can happen, but don't confuse having principles and standards with being too picky. Don't let it put you off either - in Islam, the ultimate decision is with the man and woman getting married, so you're perfectly entitled to your decisions.
Open-mindedness
Try to have a non-judgemental attitude and not be too restrictive. The fact is that we actually don't know what's best for us. "...it may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you; and Allah knows while you know not" [Qur'an 2:216].
Be careful what you say - I've seen so many examples of people saying statements like "I would never be with someone short" or parents who have said they would never let their child marry someone Bengali, and they have ended up with exactly that! Maybe it's God teaching us a lesson in humility and not being prejudiced :).
Be positive
If you stay positive, you'll get the best out of life no matter what comes your way. Inevitably, there are times in life when you feel down - in those situations, be kind to yourself, understand that it's a phase, and every phase is temporary - you'll get through it inshaAllah.
Take criticism graciously
It's very likely that if you're single and have been looking to get married, people will give you 'advice' about what you're doing wrong. Being defensive only serves to either hurt people's feelings if they're being sincere, or give them ammunition to bitch about you if they're being nasty, so it's better to be polite and accepting or correct them in the best way if they've said something wrong. Some things can be hurtful but helpful, so it's best to be receptive. E.g when a few people point out to you that you've put on weight and it might be hindering you - it might be time to sort out your diet and fitness!
Appreciate your singledom
When you're single, it's likely that you'll have more time of your own - it's the perfect time to explore and further your passions and interests, spend precious time with your friends and family, create good habits, do charity work that interests you and gain Islamic knowledge - if you get married, these will create a great foundation for good relationships and great habits for if/when you become a parent, and if you don't, you've become a better person - it's a win-win situation.
Make du'a
Du'a is one of the few things that can change your destiny. Du'as can be answered in 3 ways:
1) What you ask for is given to you immediately.
2) A calamity is averted from you.
3) The du'a is not answered in this dunya (this life); you are rewarded for it in the aakhira (the next life). There is no doubt that the du'a will be answered. Allah does not make the dua appear on the tongue , except that He wants to answer it.
So again, it's a win-win situation
Here are a few from the Qur'an. These are important because they were originally done with sincerity, then accepted by Allah and preserved for our benefit.
"Rabbana aatina fid-dunya hasanatan wa fil aakhirati hasanatan waqina 'adhaban-nar."
"Our Lord! grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter, and save us from the chastisement of the fire." (2:201)
"Rabbana aatina min ladunka rahmatan wa hayyi' lana min amrina rashada."
"Our Lord! give us mercy from Your presence, and shape for us right conduct in our plight." (18:10)
"Rabbanaa hab lanaa min azwaajina wa dhuriyyaatina qurrata A'yunin waj'alnaa lil-muttaqina imama."
"Our Lord! grant us in our mates and offspring the joy of our eyes and make us an example for those who guard against evil." (25:74)
