Salaam,
things are much the same. I am still very much feeling down, dissatisfied and despairing about what little I've achieved in life, and what my personality is like - I'm even boring myself. I think I need to seriously address my self esteem problems and my lack of assertiveness. I've learned that the biggest changes in my life have always come after feeling like I've hit rock bottom. So I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Ramadan is a light and I can't wait for the opportunities and spiritual experiences there. I need to focus and improve.
There was another rishta that came - the guy was nice enough but even though he was the same age, he just seemed very young and inexperienced with life - he just wasn't compatible. For the first time in my history of rishtas, the guy's mum was lovely - she was chatting to me without interrogating or looking me up and down, and she spoke english with me - joy of joys! If I was going to pick a mother in law, it would be someone like her. The family were nice too - they came exactly at the time that they said they would come - which was also a first, and I didn't have a sense of dread before it - which is extremely rare for me too. The whole thing was pretty painless to be honest - even though none of my sisters were there to keep me company during it, I thing I held my own quite well for once. The guy's mum phoned a couple of days after the visit to say that her husband (who hadn't come for the visit) had done istikhara and it was a 'no' - but she said it was lovely meeting us and was happy to have met a nice family - very polite of her.
So apart from that I've been getting rejections from people on matchmaking sites on the basis of my photos, and to be honest, I haven't been very good at replying to the messages I do get from time to time since I have such a low level of trust for people on these sites now due to past experience
I'm hoping that my next post will be more positive inshaAllah
