A lot of the rishta process and in fact, life, seems to involve
waiting. I can't count the number of times that friends and family have tried
to set me up with someone, starting with the guy emailing, then the process of
waiting for responses turns into a waiting game. It's boring! And for some
reason, guys seem to drag it out.
Here's how I used
to think things would go:
- Guy emails to introduce himself
- I email back with similar
- Within a few days, we exchange a few messages to find out whether we have enough in common to warrant meeting up
- Meetings ensue and we eventually decide whether to go forward with things or go our separate ways
Here's how things actually go:
- Guy emails to introduce himself (sometimes literally 'Hi, X told me to introduce myself, salaam') lol
- I email back with basic info about myself and what I'm looking for
- Days/weeks later, the guy responds with a hurried message that may or may not have anything relevant in it
- I email back with some more questions/info. This cycle continues until eventually, the guy decides to give some info.
- 2 possibilities now
- I suggest arranging a meeting and we either meet or he says he's not sure/ not ready to meet yet. If this happens, I then have to wait and see if the guy/his family are still interested.
- I never hear back
from the guy again
Only
a couple of days ago, one of my cousins contacted me to tell me he met and hung out
with his friend's older brother, thought he might be a potential suitor for me
and would get him to email me. That familiar feeling: 'alhumdulillah, people
are still on the lookout for me and there's still hope, but ohhhh I hope this
one's not going to end up a disaster!' I have my reservations. Here's the
worry; I'm, well, a bit of a geek (in a good way of course ;) and my cousin is
a party animal, so most of his friends are of that ilk too. From the guy's
facebook, which my cousin kindly sent me a link to, it seems that he is too
(lots of posed pictures, including ones with shisha, yuck!). I know, I know, judging a book by its cover and all that. Also, the guy is very good looking. I have this thing about good looking people; it takes me more of an effort to like them :/. He sent me a nice
email to let me know he'd send a profile, with some pictures, then we can talk
and message some more, so you never know. I'll await his response. Luckily, I have lots to keep me occupied so will try not to think about it in the meantime.
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ReplyDeletesalam,
ReplyDeletei haven't even begun looking for a wife yet so i dont know anything about the waiting game, but thats interesting to know about how much waiting to expect.
i was wondering about when you said it takes more of an effort to like good looking people. like are you more suspicious about good looking people? lol. just wondering what you meant by that.
also, i think you can make some limited judgements about a person based on the cover. i mean, a person's inner character and morals can show through their words and actions. to me when people say 'don't judge', sometimes they're right, but other times you can tell something about their inner self
y: wa alaykum asalaam. I'm talking about people who are standout good looking, so alhumdulillah, this doesn't apply all the time. Hmmm I think I am a bit suspicious. I had a friend at uni who was in this category and basically, loads of guys would want to talk to her/ask her out and the wrong kind of girls would want her to hang out with them (at clubs etc). Obviously, she didn't because she's good mashaAllah, but perhaps that's what it is; they get more attention and more temptations maybe, so they have to be a strong enough person to resist?
ReplyDeleteI do agree with what you've said about judging too, but people can change their ways from the last time you observed them, and can sometimes be very different on paper than in person.
May Allah swt make your search easy and successful for you, for when you do start (ameen)!