Musing: My theory on shallowness in UK desis

I've been philosophising on why a lot of guys and their parents (ok ok some girls too) are so shallow - and not just when it comes to rishtas. I mean apart from the unrealistic images propagated by the media etc etc. The amount of times I've heard that 'so and so is so UGLY' or 'but they live in such and such a part of town (eww)' truly baffles me. It's so much worse when it comes from people older than me. It was God who gave us our looks and our situations to an extent, so I just find it really unacceptably arrogant to belittle people because of those things.

Here's my theory/whine-fest/ramble: when the generation of my parents moved to the UK, it was for economic reasons - the aim was to do well so that the next generation would be better off and wouldn't have to go through the hardship they did. Even though it was for economic purposes, it was usually for their future family and for their family back home that they wanted to do well. They clubbed together to make things better for each other since they knew they were all in the same boat. They cared about each other, and they felt grateful for being part of this economy.They then taught their children that making money is reeeeeally important, and that they should have the best. Most of us were told to concentrate on our studies and getting ahead in life. I don't think there's anything wrong with striving for being financially successful, but with that being the sole aim in life and for it to be what we look for in others.

I feel like a lot of my generation of UK desis feel little sense of societal responsibility. They don't feel they owe much to 'the goray' (white people) so don't do much in the way of helping out the community in that way, and in our own society, many of our elders are being put in care homes, or deteriorating after they stop working because they don't have hobbies (since they felt their only purpose in life was to provide for or bring up their family), and there are many Muslim kids in foster care who have extended families who haven't taken them in. And then when someone in the community tries to focus on and tackle one problem, people pounce on them, telling them what to do, how to do it, and that they should also be doing x, y and z. I hate it when people say 'why isn't anyone doing anything about it?' - well maybe we should all start off with ourselves, and our own families. I think a huge part of really understanding what's deeply important in life (as opposed to e.g good looks, a big bank balance etc) is gained by focusing on issues outside the self - helping other people and causes. I think what with the internet, mobile phones etc, we live in a society that is so used to instant gratification, we want everything to be immediate so don't give it a chance, even extending this to relationships, which shouldn't really be disposable. Maybe that's why Allah gave us families: your family, whether or not you get on with them, will always be your family, and that relationship is something so valuable. It was only when the rishta search was in full swing that I truly appreciated mine on a deeper level. May Allah shower His blessings on them all (ameen)