Musing on....random things

Salaam,

I keep meaning to write another post, but have been really busy - the last few weeks have just been a blur.

A few things I've realised

• The blessing of having people close to you who tell you when the way you are acting is out of order. It's actually really difficult to see when your own behaviour has changed 

• Random acts of kindness make me really, really happy. I still remember a few years ago, standing at a bus stop on a freezing winter night, the bus arrived and the man behind me in the queue said 'Excuse me', shuffle-stepped in front of me and paid my bus fare. Well I decided to try and do something random and nice too. I left a couple of chocolates (wrapped ones!) at the study desks of the uni library. However, I hope they weren't melty, or the people who found them didn't think they were poisoned or anything lol

• The stages of how I have come to accept my being single have been like the stages of loss 

1. Denial and isolation: pretending there wasn't an issue and everything was fine
2. Anger: 'I hate men' 'this isn't fair' etc
3. Bargaining 'if only I was taller/fairer/a highly paid professional, it would happen'
4. Depression 'it's never going to happen - I'm going to die alooooooone'
5. Acceptance 'if it happens, it happens - it's all written into God's plan for my fate. I can't control others' behaviour or actions, only my own attitude and actions. Make the best of being single and try and create good habits and leave a positive legacy behind inshaAllah "Is there any reward for good other than good?" [Quran - Surah Rahman: 60]

• It's highly likely though, that I'll end up visiting one of the first 4 stages at some point (especially with how things are going on matchmaking sites, and with nothing happening with networking), but I'm prepared to work through it, so it's all good inshaAllah

• Getting old(er) isn't so bad - I can feel comfortable that the way I look and my personality are God-given to a point, so don't feel that I 'have to be' some way or another - it's really liberating alhumdulillah. I broadly know what I like, what I'm good at, the type of people I want to be around (and avoid!) and my limits in general - there's so much less stress about things and more acceptance, more ability to cope with things and be there for others, yet so much scope for improvement inshaAllah. I just need to see where it leads now......